The Power of Reciprocity: The Missing Link in Leadership and Business
I’ve been thinking a lot about sustainability lately - and not in the environmental sense. I’m talking about the kind of sustainability that lets you keep going, keep growing, and keep showing up - without burning out or breaking down.
It took me years to realise that the key to true sustainability is reciprocity.
Reciprocity in relationships.
Reciprocity in business.
Reciprocity in leadership.
Because without it? You will eventually collapse. And so will everything you’re trying to build.
Most of my life, I didn’t have reciprocity.
In my marriage, I bent myself into shapes I didn’t recognise just to be enough. I gave loyalty. Grace. Second chances. I tried to love him into wholeness, even when he couldn’t meet me halfway. He gave me excuses. Lies. Betrayal. It was never a partnership. It was me carrying the weight alone - until the weight finally broke me.
In friendships, I was the one who showed up. The one who reached out, remembered birthdays, sent gifts, held space. Until I realised that when I stopped showing up, there was only silence on the other end. No one checked in. No one offered to carry the load with me. These weren’t friendships; they were one-way streets.
At work, it was the same pattern. I delivered 120% for 80% of the salary. I made broken systems work. I made other people look good. I carried entire projects on my back - and in return? I got a polite thank you, a bigger workload, and a quiet expectation to keep doing it. I was the reliable one. The fixer. The over-functioner.
Because when failure isn’t an option, over-functioning becomes the norm.
And that’s how we disappear - in relationships, in boardrooms, in our own lives.
Stressed business owner
Here’s what I didn’t see for a long time:
Reciprocity is the backbone of sustainability.
Because when there is reciprocity, value becomes infinite.
Energy becomes regenerative.
Exchange becomes a wellspring instead of a debt.
You create a loop - not a line.
A system that fuels itself and feeds everyone in it.
Without reciprocity, you hit a ceiling.
A hard stop.
You reach an end point - in yourself, in your relationships, in your business.
And eventually, it all comes crashing down.
I’ve seen both sides. I’ve lived both sides.
For most of my life, I gave too much - because that’s how I thought I’d earn love, belonging, safety.
And I tolerated being in systems that took too much - because I didn’t believe I deserved more.
But here’s what changed everything for me:
Reciprocity is what creates sustainability - and sustainability is what creates freedom.
For the first time in my professional life, I found true reciprocity in coaching.
I show up fully. Generous. Present. All in.
But I don’t leak. I don’t rescue. I don’t perform.
My boundaries are clear.
Time is time. Energy is energy.
Value is value.
What we agree to is what we do.
I give deeply. But it’s a mutual exchange.
I don’t carry what isn’t mine.
And my clients? They show up to meet it. That’s the deal.
It’s clean.
It’s energising.
It’s sustainable.
And it’s what lets me do this work - with joy and without depletion - for the long haul.
Here’s the part that matters for you, if you’re a leader:
Reciprocity of value exchange isn’t just nice to have.
It’s what keeps your business alive.
When you’re building a team - it’s not just about what they can do for you. It’s about what you’re doing to create an environment where they can thrive and bring their best.
When you’re making deals - it’s not about how much leverage you can extract. It’s about creating partnerships that are rooted in mutual benefit.
When you’re scaling your operations - it’s not about squeezing more out of your people. It’s about designing systems that return energy to them and to you.
Because real, lasting growth isn’t built on extraction. It’s built on reciprocity.
If you’re reading this and realising how much of your success was built on over-giving - or how much of your growth has depended on extraction - you’re not alone. I’ve been there.
I know how heavy it is to keep giving with no return - and how corrosive it is to keep taking without giving back.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
If you’re ready to build a business - and a life - that is regenerative, not depleting, if you’re done with over-functioning, over-giving, over-extracting, and you’re ready to create something that can truly last - reach out.
Let’s build something better. Together.